Do you ever forget you exist?


Occasionally, when I'm out in public or in a social environment I get in a daze and I lose myself.


Sometimes I forget I'm even alive.


I know that sounds weird. I don't know whether it's a "condition" or if it's just how I am... but for as long as I could remember, I've always had these moments when I forget I am in existence. The best way I can explain this is like having an out-of-body experience and turning into the fly on the wall. I forget that other people can see me. I forget that I'm actually supposed to be communicating. I forget because I'm too busy observing and trying to figure people out. I suppose that is why I did a lot of staring as a child.

Sometimes I lose myself in people. 


Sometimes I look at people and I analyze them to the point where I feel like I have them all figured out (usually I'm not even close but we won't get into that now).

And I look at them. And if they're talking about themselves or expressing how they feel, I begin to acquire those emotions and I feel as though I am them.

Sometimes I am a sponge and I absorb emotions.


I think that is why I lose myself in books. I become so invested in the story because I feel as though I have become that character. Their story becomes my story and when I've finished the book, it takes me a bit to dive back into reality before picking up another one.


Absorbing emotions isn't always a good thing. I find myself getting sucked into negative emotions just as easily as the positive ones. It seems daunting that I am unable to take full control of my feelings when I have this sort of ability. It is, in fact, rather daunting.

But I feel like it makes me understand humans better. I am able to give them empathy for the good and the bad. I suppose I should think of it as a superpower.

Sometimes I get so invested in the life around me that I forget I belong to this very world but sometimes I like that. It's like an escape from the realities of life and I can observe from the distance, where I am comfortable. 



TALK TO ME!

Have you ever felt this way? OR AM I THE ONLY ONE? Do you have a superpower? What is something that sets you apart from everyone else? Let me know! I want to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading! 

xx Kenzie

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24 happy thoughts

  1. I sometimes have this same feeling, Kenzie. I've always attributed it to my extreme introvert-ness, but idk. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who has this :)). I'm the same when it comes to reading--after finishing a great book, it takes time for me to "come back into reality" or something like that.
    Great post! BTW, I love your blog design--it's so cheery and fun! :)

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    1. Hi, Allison!

      Oh my goodness, you have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that! WE ARE NOT ALONE. <3 I do think it sort of has something to do with our introverted-ness. I've read that INFJs absorb other people's emotions so what if that is why we get lost in people? But then again, I don't know for certain. And yesss... It's always really hard for me to even pick up another book because I'm still living in the last one!

      AHH, thank you so much! <3 I am so happy you enjoyed the post and thank you for commenting. Have a lovely day!

      xx Kenzie

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  2. Oh yes I feel this. I'm a people watcher, and most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it so I just end up looking like a creep. But it's fascinating to watch people and their mannerism and try to piece together a little bit of their story.

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    1. HAHAHA YEP, I AM ALSO A CREEP. But it definitely has its perks. ;) Thank you so much for reading! <3

      xx Kenzie

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  3. Ok but is it weird if I feel this way when I get intensely involved in doing math? No? Okay xD

    But yess I have felt this way before and it's such a strange feeling, yet it's almost calming in a way? I'm not even sure how to describe it :)

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    1. NOT WEIRD AT ALL. I do it while reading and sometimes drawing. o.O

      YES, it is definitely calming. Like, the best kind of calming?? But I am so so glad I am not the only one. Thank you so much for reading!

      xx Kenzie

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  4. I have so felt that way before! This post was beautiful!

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  5. Awwww, thank you so much, Nabila! <3

    xx Kenzie

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  6. A little of both, maybe? I don't often zone out unless I'm working on something that requires a lot of concentration (like reading, ha). I do love to people watch though - so much so that my mom is always elbowing me not to stare.


    xxx
    k.

    p.s. okay, and your post reminds me of Turtles All the Way Down, so I think I have the slightest idea of why you liked that book so much. *hugs*

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    1. I don't know if this is the same as people watching but I used to zone out A LOT while watching TV while I was younger. Every one scolded me for it but now I'm thinking it's because of this whole "losing myself in people". I don't know. XD But yes, people watching is so nice. I wonder how many times I have been caught? o.O

      Also; asdfghjkl. Your last comment has me fangirling just a *tad*. *hugs back* Thank you so much. <3

      xx Kenzie

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  7. This is interesting, because I've just recently 'discovered' that I have chronic derealization. I'm not sure what exactly triggers my derealization, but I know that a lot of people who have depersonalization struggle with derealization, but depersonlization sounds kinda like what you have? Try looking that up and seeing if it matches. <3

    As an extrovert, it's funny because I do that too, so it isn't necessarily an introvert thing. Like sometimes when we have guests over or when I'm at someone else's house, I'll go to the bathroom or something and have a moment of "oh. I'm here. I'm an actual person and I'm here" and it's SO WEIRD.

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    1. Hi, Hanne!

      I honestly did not know anything about depersonalization or derealization until you told me to look it up. And allow me to thank you for that because I am immensely intrigued.

      OH MY GOSH, YES! I have had that happened to me so many times. It's so weird and interesting at the same time. So, since you are an extrovert, I guess it is much more than just an introvert thing, eh? I find this so interesting! I don't think what I have or what I have experienced is severe enough to be considered any of those. They're just occasional moments. But maybe it is more derealization? I'm not quite sure. I do know that I am going to continue researching this and studying myself.

      Thank you so much for sharing, Hanne. <3 And thank you for reading! We will definitely have to chat more about this sometime! I find it very interesting.

      xx Kenzie

      P.S. OMG so as I was replying to comment a thought came to mind. I would love to read a book with a character who has either of these conditions. Maybe I will write a book about it... Ah! I am spewing with inspiration now!

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    2. I heard about it first from Dodie (idk if you know her, she's a YouTuber, who has chronic derealization, which is what I think I have). She's made a couple videos that really do well at explaining it, if you want to check them out. I'm glad to know it helped! I'm working on figuring it out myself.

      (also YES!! I haven't read any about derealization/depersonalization, but I'm sure it would make a really good book!)

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    3. YESSSSS I LOVE DODIE! <3 And I actually did watch one of her videos on her chronic derealization. I can't say that I have experienced exactly what she has but I have experienced similar things to that. I'm really interested in learning more about it and maybe discovering more of myself. :) I would actually love to read a blog post about it from your perspective. I think that would be amazing and it seems like something that needs to be talked more.

      (Right?! If I do it, maybe I can interview you for it? Of course, only if you are comfortable with that. :})

      xx Kenzie

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    4. I'd love to (to both writing a blogpost and being interviewed)! I'm not sure I know enough about it, but I'd love LOVE to give it a shot! (I've only been self-diagnosed for about a month, so I should probably live with it for a while longer, as well as do more research on it, before I spread any information about it)

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    5. Of course! That sounds totally reasonable. <3 I'll definitely keep you in mind. ;) Maybe I'll be able to discover more about myself as well. :)

      xx Kenzie

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  8. I've felt something a *little* like this, but not really like *I* don't exist, but just that I'm not *me*? I googled it (as you do lmao) and found out it's depersonalisation and can be a symptom of anxiety which fits me very well.😂I'm not sure if that's the same as yours though. But it definitely feels like an out-of-body experience which is weird sometimes?!

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    1. AHHHHHHHH THANK GOODNESS I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE! It is really weird and it has happened to me before! What I'm wondering is the difference between "depersonalization" and "derealization"? Is the latter just when you do feel like yourself but the environment around you feels as though it is not real? I'll have to do some more research. ;)

      It kind of makes sense that I would have something like this, especially in public, considering I get social anxiety. Heh.

      Thank you so much for reading!

      xx Kenzie

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  9. oh my gosh, you put this into words! I remember as a kid getting so caught up in a book or film that I would literally, as you said, forget about my existence. It was as if I had become solely a vessel who feels what the characters are feeling and didn't have my own emotions. This doesn't happen to me when I am one on one with a person, but if I'm people watching or eavesdropping (haha) then a similar thing happens.

    I loved this post and totally get where you're coming from!!

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    1. Ahhhh! Oh my goodness, you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that you can relate to this and I'm not the only one! YES, exactly! I remember watching movies when I was younger and afterwards it would take me a little bit to process the whole story and remind myself to come back to reality. It's crazy thinking about this and realizing that there were actually so many moments in my life when I would "forget myself" or become so invested in a story or in the people around me.

      I agree that this doesn't happen to me when I am talking one on one with a person but it definitely can happen when I am in a crowded room. (I love listening to people's conversations. Hehe.)

      Thank you so much for reading, Mary Shelley! I am glad you were able to relate. <3

      xx Kenzie

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  10. Maybe this is an introvert thing? Because I can relate 110%.

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    1. I don't know! I feel like part of it could be, at least when it comes to social situations. Maybe the less severe conditions/moments are more related to introversion?

      Thank you so much for reading and I am so happy you could relate!

      xx Kenzie

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  11. Oh I totally get what you mean! Sometimes it's part of sad & depressing feelings, but at other times, it occurs when i get sucked into a good book or when I'm on a roll with my writing. I definitely prefer the latter!

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    1. I must agree with you, Maria! When I was looking at articles, it said it was connected with anxiety and depression and can become very severe. Meaning, there are people who suffer from it but probably more extreme than mine, considering that when I have these moments, I feel more at peace rather than disrupted. You know what I mean?

      Thank you so much for reading. I am happy to know that I'm not the only one. <3

      xx Kenzie

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Thank you for taking the time to leave a message, it truly means a lot to me. I try my best to respond to each and every one of them, so come back and let's have a conversation.

xx Kenzie